I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize