So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
