It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
