whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
