did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
