You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
