she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
