just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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