How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
