I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
