laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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