Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
