before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
