I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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