no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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