life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We left an ass print on the piano.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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