You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
