one might say we're banned from that church
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
