First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
