We named our party play list daddy issues
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
