The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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