he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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