You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
