i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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