thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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