Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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