My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She has the best kind of daddy issues
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize