I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize