Pants 0. Shit 1.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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