Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
