I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
