i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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