I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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