guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
