I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
