Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
