Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my vagina is haunted
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
