I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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