Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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