I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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