theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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