If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That's intense
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
