I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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