New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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