I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
