I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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