i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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