I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
