Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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