remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
