im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
