Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
