I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
