Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
