I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
