i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
