I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
