I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
kristin has been a bad kristin
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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