She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
