I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
