this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
