I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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