Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
