If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
