Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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