Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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