Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
