hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
