is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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