Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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