apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
