just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
