My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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