The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
